Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Houston, we have a blender
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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