we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
