I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
