My friends, they love my intelligence
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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