I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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