so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
