I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
