the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
