i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
