my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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