Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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