I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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