he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
