were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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