i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
