She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
