So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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