Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
