I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
