Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
