can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
