im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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