Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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