omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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