wanna go halves on a baby?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
