Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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