im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
