I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
