this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
