then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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