Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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