Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
