I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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