Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
