Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
