Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
