Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
