while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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