weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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