I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
