Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
