i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
