Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
