I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
