I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
