Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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