So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
