i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
