I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
