So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
