Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
