Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
