We need to rekindle our bromance
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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