The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
